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Great to Be a Guy

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Author Topic: Great to Be a Guy  (Read 35 times)
BuffaloParrot
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« on: September 25, 2010, 03:26:54 pm »

Some reasons that it's great to be a guy:

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every picture of somebody crying.
All your orgasms are real.
You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.
You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.
You can write your name in the snow.
Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Flowers fix everything.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."
The world is your urinal.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
One mood, all the time.
You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too dirty.
You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you're wearing.
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.
You don't care if someone's talking about you behind your back.
With 400 million sperm cells per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
You don't mooch off others' desserts.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
The remote control is yours and yours alone.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
Bachelor parties whomp butt over bridal showers.
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends that you've changed.
Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase, "screw it."
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.
Your pals can be trusted to never trap you with, "So... notice anything different?"


Things that suck about being a guy:

The Ferrari 550 Maranello lists for over $200,000.
External genitalia are vulnerable to knees and fastballs.
Even if you get your head caught in an industrial wood chipper, you're not allowed to cry.
Ribbed for her pleasure -- not yours.
You have to wear ties.
You can't flirt your way out of a jam.
"Women and children first."
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thetim53
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« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2010, 06:45:16 pm »

I've always wondered about that 'women and children first' crap. In my book it is 'women and children first to get run over'.  :saw4:
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« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2010, 07:48:54 pm »

Some reasons that it's great to be a guy:

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
and then you go "darn I forgot to ask...
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
we look better naked.
A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
then you have to buy stuff you forgot to pack while you are ON vacation because you didn't think about it, or you forgot it
You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
this one I didn't get, TMI
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
you got us there.
You can open all your own jars.
yes I can, i have a rubber jar opener for the tuffies.
Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
they don't say anything, but they notice, trust me
Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
unfortunately, you got us there too.
When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every picture of somebody crying.
people do that?
All your orgasms are real.
 goofi :oopse5:
You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
it all gets used. and you always ask us to stick your (sunglasses/etc.) in it when you don't have anyway of carrying them
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
don't get this one either, i can go alone.
Your last name stays put.
it is annoying to have to change that on everything, but I was lucky because my initials didn't change
You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
I make it because 9 times out of ten, something is forgotten in the covers and if I hadn't straightened them out, it would have been forgotten.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
you get more for more.
Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
ew.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
we talk. and if you are a male 'whore', we tell.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
OMG don't get me started. don't complain if you end up in a teal cumberbun then, LOL!
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
I don't get this one either, I guess I am very forgiving?
You don't have to shave below your neck.
true
None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.
but they can sure get your blood boiling!
You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
PAJAMAS
If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.
again, we do, we just consider you a "failure to launch" or you have some other issues..like trouble with commitment or something
You can write your name in the snow.
OMG . ew.
Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
mustaches go grey
Chocolate is just another snack.
goober
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
this has no bearing on conversation for me, it is a mood thing :)
Flowers fix everything.
sorta, the feeling behind them counts. we know when you are trying to come in from the dog house.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
got me here
Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
it is, but more is SO MUCH BETTER!  nails
You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
only men think bananas are naughty, for us it is fruit, geez.
Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
depends on the girl LOL!
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
jealous
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
even if you know the girl is NAS-TY?
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."
not an issue for me, this really happens?
The world is your urinal.
we are more civilized
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
(!)
One mood, all the time.
you are more moody than you realize.
You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too dirty.
you can pee standing up, we have to have a different set of standards buddy.
You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you're wearing.
whatever floats your boat?
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
*sigh. true, dammit.
You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
again, more civilized.
Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.
I am proud to say my dress was $200.
You don't care if someone's talking about you behind your back.
depending on what they say? what if it trashes your reputation at work or something...?
With 400 million sperm cells per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
THAT would be scary, have you seen some of the men out there??? ::SHUDDER::
You don't mooch off others' desserts.
we call it "sharing"
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
hey, we don't like it either, LOL.
The remote control is yours and yours alone.
until you let go of it/forget about it/get up for something  goober
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
yes, that is annoying, but if the man is gorgeous, we LOOK!
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
I don't do that
Bachelor parties whomp butt over bridal showers.
so true, bridal showers are mostly BORING.
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
her opinion counts to you more than you let on.
You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
?
You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
? just excuse yourself without explanation?
If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends that you've changed.
I guess this is high school stuff.....
Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
a lonely one. LOL
You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase, "screw it."
we do that more than you realize, just with more grace :)
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.
that never bothered me, besides I usually looked better in it, LOL (claws out)
Your pals can be trusted to never trap you with, "So... notice anything different?"
oh I HATE that.


Things that suck about being a guy:

The Ferrari 550 Maranello lists for over $200,000.
there is always a Mustang...
External genitalia are vulnerable to knees and fastballs.
nanny nanny boo boo  tongueout
Even if you get your head caught in an industrial wood chipper, you're not allowed to cry.
LOL!
Ribbed for her pleasure -- not yours.
  :oopse5:
You have to wear ties.
we have to wear panyhose and bras, got ya BEAT.
You can't flirt your way out of a jam.
not every chick is pretty!
"Women and children first.".
civilized
« Last Edit: September 25, 2010, 07:52:36 pm by wishforabird » Report Spam   Logged

-Wishy


-Julian Robert; MY SOMEDAY Conure, born April 5, 2010 :)
            came home: June 29, 2010
-*Stellaluna 12/15/08-11/1/10; sky-blue budgie
            (the bird that started it all)*
-Victor Augustus; 2008- Aug 12, 2011; rest in peace, good sir.
* Colbie; 2010 * Easter Daffodil;  born spring 2011; * Nerhi; born spring 2011;
BuffaloParrot
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« Reply #3 on: September 25, 2010, 09:27:43 pm »

 think
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« Reply #4 on: September 25, 2010, 10:07:03 pm »

"You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
I make it because 9 times out of ten, something is forgotten in the covers and if I hadn't straightened them out, it would have been forgotten."


you make the hotel bed??!!!  you're kidding right?! i dont even make my bed!! there is no way i'd make theirs. the best way to make sure nothing is left is to yank all the covers completely off the bed and then throw them back on in a heap.  dmblaf

i guess i make a horrible girl, more than half of those dont apply to me.  think
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« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2010, 08:15:39 am »

oh D I HAD to throw in my 2 cents, it was fun :)  I don't make my bed either, I know there is nothing interesting or important folded up inside those covers, LOL...all it took was my husband leaving his WALLET in the hotel room we stayed in for my Grandma's funeral last year!! THAT WAS SO STRESSFUL. it ended well, THANK GOD but lesson learned: leave no cover unturned :)
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-Wishy


-Julian Robert; MY SOMEDAY Conure, born April 5, 2010 :)
            came home: June 29, 2010
-*Stellaluna 12/15/08-11/1/10; sky-blue budgie
            (the bird that started it all)*
-Victor Augustus; 2008- Aug 12, 2011; rest in peace, good sir.
* Colbie; 2010 * Easter Daffodil;  born spring 2011; * Nerhi; born spring 2011;
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