Buffalo Parrot Squawk Forums
January 26, 2022, 11:02:45 am
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: IMPORTANT LINKS
BuffaloParrot.com
Forum Code of Conduct
Forum Portal
Contact us via Email: buffaloparrot@buffaloparrot.com
Squawk It Up!

Welcome to the Buffalo Parrot Squawk Forums!Play our Daily Trivia Game! New Questions Daily!
 
  Home Help Search Arcade Downloads Gallery Links RECENT POSTS Staff List Calendar Login Register Chat  

I think Santa Claus is a woman

Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: I think Santa Claus is a woman  (Read 59 times)
BuffaloParrot
Guest

Badges: (View All)
« on: December 08, 2009, 03:46:34 pm »

I think Santa Claus is a woman

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she.

Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.

Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th-hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.

Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted, and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh, amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa did have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost in the snow and clouds, and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened, having to be seen with all those elves.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men. Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance.
Report Spam   Logged

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

BrilliantFids
Parrot Trooper
*

Like my post 23
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 3,768



WWW
Badges: (View All)
« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2009, 03:58:19 pm »

LMAO that is a good one!
Report Spam   Logged

wishforabird
WISHY
Flock Leader
*

Like my post 30
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 7,961


...all creatures great and small...



Badges: (View All)
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2009, 05:47:25 pm »

I knew it! (especially because I am santa Claus here!) OY ALL THE PLANNING! I start in Sept!

seriously though? D THIS IS FUNNY! thank you for putting this on here I needed that!!!!
Report Spam   Logged

-Wishy


-Julian Robert; MY SOMEDAY Conure, born April 5, 2010 :)
            came home: June 29, 2010
-*Stellaluna 12/15/08-11/1/10; sky-blue budgie
            (the bird that started it all)*
-Victor Augustus; 2008- Aug 12, 2011; rest in peace, good sir.
* Colbie; 2010 * Easter Daffodil;  born spring 2011; * Nerhi; born spring 2011;
Ditty
Hyacinth Member
*

Like my post 44
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 8,425


Ditty



Badges: (View All)
« Reply #3 on: December 09, 2009, 10:41:11 am »

All good points i must say. coolsmiley.gif
Report Spam   Logged

wishforabird
WISHY
Flock Leader
*

Like my post 30
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 7,961


...all creatures great and small...



Badges: (View All)
« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2009, 05:39:36 pm »

ALL GOOD, I surely agree.  8)
Report Spam   Logged

-Wishy


-Julian Robert; MY SOMEDAY Conure, born April 5, 2010 :)
            came home: June 29, 2010
-*Stellaluna 12/15/08-11/1/10; sky-blue budgie
            (the bird that started it all)*
-Victor Augustus; 2008- Aug 12, 2011; rest in peace, good sir.
* Colbie; 2010 * Easter Daffodil;  born spring 2011; * Nerhi; born spring 2011;
Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by EzPortal
| More
VOTE FOR US!
TopSiteList
Bookmark this site!
Powered by SMF | SMF © 2016, Simple Machines
Privacy Policy