Gus: Forever in My Heart

[chance]

I am so sorry for your loss, I was in tears reading your beautiful tribute to Gus Gus sure had a wonderful life with you and will always be in your heart.

[NH Bird Mom]

I am so sorry...

[sophiemae]

Thanks so much everyone  Your thoughts and words have really helped me. I'm doing somewhat better. I'm not crying as much but I'm still not really sleeping. The nights are the hardest. I'm so drained emotionally and sleep wise that I'm now sick. I've been trying to rest but that's easier said than done around here with school and CT. I would love to just take time off from school for a couple of days to re-group and get things together but I can't afford to. I'm hoping things will come back to an even plane sometime soon.

Wishy I have to thank you. Since coming home without Gus I have felt like I had to be strong and not cry and breakdown in front of Caden. I didn't think he could handle seeing mommy fall to pieces and that it would be traumatic for him. After reading what you wrote I realized that not letting the emotions go when they come with thoughts of Gus has affected him in a negative way. Saturday was a really bed day for him, he was having major meltdown after major meltdown and it wasn't until after I read what you wrote that I realized it was not only due to the loss of Gus but also to the way I was handling this. When I came home on Friday night without Gus I explained to him what happened in the kid friendly version and I could tell he really didn't understand so as awful as it may sound when I tried the approach of telling him that Gus had died versus Gus was in heaven looking down on him then he got it and I could see him process it and he was sad for a few moments. He didn't cry, but then asked me if Gus could still see him from up in the sky and I said yes and then he went off and played and didn't ask about Gus again. So I thought he really didn't quite understand still and wasn't going to be as affected as I thought he would be. After Saturdays meltdowns and reading your words I talked to him and asked if he was sad because he knew mommy was sad and he said yes and I told him it was ok to be sad and it was ok that mommy was sad. After our talk about it I have let him see me cry and he is doing much better and the meltdowns have reduced greatly. So thank you for allowing me to "snap" out of it and realize Caden has to grieve in his own way too and I can't help him with that unless I share my grieving process with him. I was so deep in my own grief that I couldn't see outside of it 

[wishforabird]

aw, Sophz you made me cry,  you touched my heart, 
I am so glad I could help you, i felt so helpless while you are all the way over there hurting..... 


I was afraid I had overstepped my bounds and you would resent me telling you what I did,
I just learned from experience [with my kids] from all the losses in 2009 that it was not good for anyone here for me to hold it in, it affected EVERYONE here and not in a good way. I let it all out finally and just lay on my bed a useless crying heap...then I felt the bed shift, and my kids just piled up and on and next to me (the puppy too), and they just held onto me and let me cry and they cried cuz I cried, it was very tough but it helped so much, and I felt a healing in all of us...It bonded us and everything felt better after that. 

you're such a good mommy............

[angelicarboreals]

Gus was such an absolutely beautiful kitty, and was truly loved while on this earth. I am so, so sorry for your loss...you know I am here whenever you need to talk. 

[Debz]

** sniffle**

[BrilliantFids]

I am so Sorry Sophie! He will be with you forever, everyday it does get a little better. Even if you dont feel like it is,  it is. Everyday a new part of healing begins, when you want to cry let it out, if you want to scream lock yourself in the bathroom and scream. When I think of my Grandpa or the many others Ive lost recently I immediately feel overwhelmed with sadness and dread at the fact I wont see them ever again (in this life) but then I look at their pictures or think of all the good times we had and I can smile. I realize that each person that has passed away had a special place in my life and heart, and though I cant see them anymore they are all still walking with me. Just like Gus is still walking with you, always. *Hugs*

[Mi Amore]

i am so sorry dear. if you need anything you have my number i am here for you. i know how hard it is to loss a pet. time makes it easier. dont feel you need to rush the healing process let it come naturally to you. you did all you could and you will see him again someday.

[sophiemae]

Each time that I read a reply to this thread I find myself scrolling up to look at the pics of Gus and re-read what I wrote. I don't know if it is helpful or not just yet... This last time CT came over and started to look at the pics with me. I asked him if he knew where Gus was and he said "he's here in the house". Then I asked him if he remembered what happened to him and he said he went away. When I asked if he knew where to he couldn't quite recall so I said he was in heaven and he asked if that was where he was looking down on him from. I know this may sound crazy to some, but I think CT may have a sense of things that I don't in the spirit world. I'm left to wonder if he really does see Gus in the house. I know I thought I saw him out of the corner of my eye a few times on Saturday and a couple tonight but being of adult mind we are taught to process reality from fiction and tricks our eyes and mind can play on us. So my mind tells me it was a figment of  memories that have come through. I know Gus' spirit will always live on but perhaps somehow he is showing us just how connected he was to us and how much he misses us and that everything will be ok.

You didn't overstep your bounds in the least Wishy  You're such a good mommy too, thanks for sharing your grieving experience with you kids. It has given me great insight to something I am so new at where wee little ones and grief come into play.

[BPMar]

Aww Soph   
Kids can often see things adults can't in the spirit world as pets are more sensitive also.  It's a strange feeling seeing something out the corner of the eye or just a quick glimpse.  Who knows?  Maybe he does see him, maybe it is memory.
I started getting teary yesterday reading your stuff, being emotional already just stirred everything up.
One day at a time.  Every day may get even the smallest of fractions easier and less painful and in time although you will never forget but it will be easier to lock away the sadness.
I am an emotional rollercoaster right now, but if you need me I will be happy to tell the conductor I need to get off the ride!