Short Takes

[Nakia]

What is a Yankee?

The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The position of the dirt bad.

Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it is worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal, unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

Are you sure it's mine?

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use cars only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?

Because on Tuesdays and Thursdays, the Sex Ed class uses it.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with ...'a recipe'.

How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins, 'Once upon a time...'

A southern fairytale begins, 'Ya'll ain't gonna' believe this sh*t...

[steptoe91(tozie)]

 

[Ditty]

love em!! 
The doughboy one cracked me up!!

[BuffaloParrot]

  Love em, except for the "Men" jokes