Women over 50 don't have babies because they would
put them down and forget where they left them.
A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth
control pills...she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.
One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of
chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
My mind not only wanders, it sometimes
leaves completely.
The best way to forget your troubles is to
wear tight shoes.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when
you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because
by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today!
Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I
regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept
rubbing together and setting fire to my knickers.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while
and it shrinks 2 sizes!
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things
like...'You know, sometimes I forget to eat!'...Now I've
forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my
keys, but I have never forgotten to eat.
You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!
The trouble with some women is that they get all
excited about nothing and then they marry him.
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress
are: eating too much, impulse buying,and driving to fast.
Are they kidding! That's my idea of a perfect day!