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I am having such a hard time with this

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Ditty
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« on: June 25, 2012, 02:27:28 pm »

I know it seems so stupid, but I am really having a hard time with Isis being gone.  I know it needed to be that way, and I know it was the right thing to do.  But I have been crying on and off since she left on Friday nite.  I truely loved her even though she was not my idea.  A different time would have been good but I must admit to myself it was not meant to be.  She had become attached to me just like MJ and it really breaks my heart that it was MY hand that made her go.   2sadk  MY hand that pushed her away from her family and her playpal Lexi.  Seeing hubs hurting is only making it worse cuz it was ME that did that too.





I miss you Isis, my big head girl.  I will always love you and I hope one day you can forgive me.  Sometimes the right things are the hardest things.
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Sondra
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« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2012, 02:38:04 pm »

 hugu

I'm sorry you are hurting. Those of us who think of our animals as part of the family hurt and miss them when we must part with them. I've told my husband that as much as it hurts to have them die I'd rather face that then have to live knowing that they are alive and elsewhere. (does this make sense?)  I know what you are going through, so please know you are not alone. All you can do is let your husband know you love him very much and are hurting also.
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« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2012, 02:40:05 pm »

 sadbigeye grouphug i'm so sorry ditty. you said it yourself sometimes the right thing is just the hardest thing to do. and you DID do the right thing. It was a hard situation from day one. The fact that she went back to her breeder is the best possible solution. It will be familiar to her. Much better for her. You know that MJ wouldnt have survived the next incident. Isis was getting bigger by the day and would continue to get bigger as MJ got older and weaker. Tho it was (and is) hard, dont beat yourself up. You have an obligation to do what's right for everyone and you did what you had to do...for everyone. Isis included. It could have gotten much worse. you said that you believed it was you she was defending. This is possible...probable even. Next time what if it was Cassie she defended you against? This was the right thing to do. I know in my heart that isis will be happier for it and have a less stressful existence for it in the long run. I'm here for you if there's anything i can do just yell.  hugu
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« Reply #3 on: June 25, 2012, 03:21:32 pm »

 hugu I'm sorry too!  I can't even imagine, well I can in my own way, what you are going through.  On one hand is  :pray: and the other  devilwink and all your feelings are valid and normal.  As hard as it was it was also the best and pretty much the only choice.  No more what ifs and try to move forward.  Isis will have a wonderful life and hopefully not feel like she has to compete with anyone.  In time it will get better and it will make you feel good when you see MJ more herself or more at ease.  We are there for you! loveuk
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« Reply #4 on: June 25, 2012, 03:50:07 pm »

 2sadk  Time heals Gal  hugu
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« Reply #5 on: June 25, 2012, 04:55:59 pm »

Sondra that is exactly it, the not knowing who she will end up with.  That and the guilt of ME pushing her away when I know she loved us is beatimg me to a pulp.

Over and over in my head it goes...I never want to hurt the ones I love and in one fell swoop I hurt 2 very deeply(- Hubs and Isis) and it is killing me inside.  2sadk

If only it could have worked out, as said, a different time. 

It was NOT me we found out when she started a fight when i was not around, I was at work.   hmm  So I think she saw MJ as the weak link and that was all. 

Thanks for letting me vent guys and gals.   hugu
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« Reply #6 on: June 25, 2012, 06:17:42 pm »

Ditty, think of this as a foster situation, you taught Isis manners, and it was time to let her find her home. Someone very wise once told me that "sometimes we are only a stepping stone in an animals life, that we have to let them go to a better place".
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« Reply #7 on: June 25, 2012, 08:20:55 pm »

 cwy  my gosh, I'm so sorry Ditty. you're mourning her, only it's worse, because she's not gone-GONE. And so much guilt also wrapped up in this situation. But let's step back a second. This situation did not start with you. If there is one person that should feel guilt, not for nothing it should be Mark. You being mom acted solely on self preservation.  Protecting your babies.  It just floors me that Mark can't see that and obviously is doing everything to compound your guilt. When it was never something that YOU initiated.  I just dont know why we humans are wired to play these games with each other. Especially the ones closest to us. I mean, It's as if he's trying to teach you a lesson.  he hurts and he wants to make sure that you are hurting as much as if not more then him.   You want to come here for awhile? bring the kids and birds and 2 roast beefs?  But its B.Y.O.O.M = bring your own oxygen masks.  did I get a teeny smile out of you?
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« Reply #8 on: June 25, 2012, 10:29:45 pm »

True Sondra.  thumb

Yes Debz you did.  dmblaf  I will be right over, but can I bring a salad.  LOL 
I know what you mean and that anger is rolled in too.  As in NONE of this would have happened if...... 

I could deal with it so much better if she were gone gone.  I truely could.  The wondering what will happen to her and the guilt of me delivering that final blow, making her leave is the part that is eating at me.  But time does heal. I just need some friends to listen.  Ones that understand so that is why I turned to vent to my BP peeps.   So thank you!!  grouphug
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« Reply #9 on: June 26, 2012, 08:09:15 am »

when i first met lee i had a bull mastiff/rott mix. his name was lincoln. he was such a sweetie. he was there for me when my boyfriend of 5 yrs dumped me. lincoln and i slept in the same bed (a king sized waterbed), i shared my dinner with him, if i left the house for anything but work he went with me (much to my mom's dogs' displeasure   dmblaf  ) i would cram this big ole 90 lb puppy in my little dodge colt and off we went. When i met and married lee and then got pregnant we were debating lincoln. and then one day i was trying to make him go outside. i didnt know he was afraid of the balloon hovering by the door. he growled and snapped at me. if i'd smacked him, i think all would've been okay. but i backed away in fear. that was it. after that we ended up having to get rid of him. lee found him a new home quickly. i never asked details but i would wake up in hysterial tears for months after that. i'd dream he was mistreated in his new home. the moral of my story? i know exactly what you're feeling. i know it was best for lincoln, with a baby on the way. it was best for me, lee, and jessica. what if he'd turned on my newborn? it was the right thing to do. but it hurt and that element of unknown was the worst of all. for us (humans) unknown is probably the scariest thing to deal with. and i think that's what you're dealing with: unknown. if she were GONE, there would be no 'unknown'. but have faith in the breeder. they found a caring home in you and they will find another for dear isis. or maybe they will provide her that caring home she deserves. in anycase, try to have faith. and if it takes fooling yourself with a precious dream (like i do with steve, i imagine that he's flying happily round florida with his wild 'tiel wife and babies) go for it, dream away!  thumb
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« Reply #10 on: June 26, 2012, 08:39:01 am »

fake it till you make it, right?  dknow
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« Reply #11 on: June 26, 2012, 09:10:52 am »

I hadn't replied till now because I just didn't know what to say, I felt so hurt for you and Isis.  I hope you didn't think I didn't care, because I do, very much. hugu

Honestly, I don't see what else you could have done.  You gave her back to the breeder, which was in my opinion, the best option for her.  At least the breeder knows Isis, and her breed.  He or she will be careful to place her in a good home that meets her needs.  

Sooner, or later, despite your precautions, she would have more than likely killed poor MJ.  Then, it would have been harder to place her somewhere, the breeder may not have taken her back then.

You went above and beyond what a lot of people would have done.  There are so many that would have taken her to the pound (a death sentence basically) or had her put down.  

Sometimes our hearts have more room than our actual houses, you would have had to separate them, Isis would spend an awful amount of time crated or shut up in one room.  Then it would be so much tension, every day having to be so careful to enforce the separation, always knowing that there was a strong chance that someone would open the door at the wrong time, not latch the crate properly, or some other circumstance.

You did what you needed to do, which can be so hard sometimes.
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« Reply #12 on: June 26, 2012, 10:50:21 am »

 hugu hugu hugu
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Your Parrot Portrait Artist! Pretty Bird Paintings
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« Reply #13 on: June 26, 2012, 01:03:37 pm »

For you! I'm not a dog artist, but I hope you like it!

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« Reply #14 on: June 26, 2012, 03:46:50 pm »

What a great drawing!  clap
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